To Will and To Do

Sunday 10/27/2013 6:39 AM

In Philippians 2:12-13 Paul encourages his readers to “…continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”  The writing of Hannah Whithall Smith in The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life brought this passage to mind this morning.  She writes, “God’s promise is, that he will work in us to will as well as to do of his good pleasure.  This of course means that he will take possession of our will and work it for us, and that his suggestions will come to us, not so much commands from the outside, as desires springing up within.  They will originate in our will; we shall feel as though we wanted to do so and so, not as though we must.  And this makes it a service of perfect liberty, for it is always easy to do what we desire to do, let the accompanying circumstances be difficult as they may.”

I believe that the Spirit of God is working in me because there are times when I have received a suggestion from within.  A good example is earlier this year, after one of my colleagues passed away very unexpectedly, I felt like I should write a letter to his widow and his sons expressing my sympathy and letting them know the impact my colleague had upon me and upon some of his students who had shared their grief with me.  In the passage quoted above Smith suggests that it is always easy to do what we desire to do but I would disagree.  I wanted to write a letter but I was uncertain how to go about doing so and I wasn’t sure how it would be received.  As a result, I didn’t write the letter and eventually the desire to do so left.  This is only one example of this type of thing in my life.  It seems that I am more often open to God working within me to will something but when it comes time to act, and actually do something, the obedience is lacking.

Over the course of the past couple of weeks I have again had the desire to write a letter to my colleague’s family due to some circumstances that have arisen.  Unfortunately I find that I am having the same internal conversation, debating the wisdom of sending a letter so long after his passing, worrying about stirring up emotions and feelings that have been previously resolved, and so on.  I have a feeling that if I continue this internal debate the desire will again leave but then I wonder if I am hindering the work of God.  The real problem is that I do not trust God to do the work through me.  If the will to do something is truly the work of the Holy Spirit in my life then God will use the actions that result from my obedience to do his will through me.  I worry about how others will receive or view my actions instead of realizing that it is God acting through me.  I am simply the conduit through which he pours his grace.

I have asked my small group to hold me accountable to write the letter.  I hope they ride herd on me. 

God's Lunch Date with Me

Friday 10/25/2013 6:41 AM

There are two people with whom I periodically have lunch, a former professor and a young man from my church.

My former professor is one I had in graduate school.  He was one of my favorite professors who presented interesting problems and injected a dry, witty sense of humor into his lectures that made things interesting and enjoyable.  He is now in his eighties and has had a couple of strokes that have affected his memory.  When we meet we talk about our lives and those we love for a while and then he breaks out some sort of math problem to work on.  In his earlier years he was a well-known speaker at math conferences and served both as a keynote speaker and he led smaller sectionals.  The problems on which we work are usually things that he once spoke about or wrote about however, because of his failing memory, he can no longer remember how to do them.  My job, as he describes it, is to do the math and explain it back to him.  We have met regularly for a few years now and we have now done the same problems repeatedly.  I enjoy visiting with him but it feels somewhat like the movie Groundhog Day, where the same scenario is repeated each time we meet.  I hear the same jokes, hear the same stories, answer the same questions about how many children and grandchildren I have, and do the same math problems.  Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it since he seems to remember nothing of our meetings from month to month.  It is hard to see a mind that was once one of the sharpest deteriorate.  It makes me sad.

I believe the young man I meet with has some serious mental issues.  I don’t know the details but he is delusional at times, thinking he is going into the marines one minute, that he is engaged the next minute, that he is going to business school at Vanderbilt the next and so on.  I once met with him and he was catatonic the entire lunch.  He was unable to respond to even the simplest questions, like what do you like better, rain or sunshine?  I had to order his lunch for him because he was unable to respond to the server when asked what he wanted.  He has been hospitalized on more than one occasion, where they try to adjust his medications so that he can function relatively normally.  Because of his mental problems it is nearly impossible for him to hold down a job.  When we meet and talk I never know what is the truth and what is simply a figment of his overactive imagination.  He is my friend on Facebook and often has status updates like, “What do you like best about me?” or, “If I died today what would you miss the most?”  Few people respond to the posts and I wonder what he thinks about that.  It is difficult to see a young man full of potential, crippled by some sort of mental disorder.  It makes me sad.

I wonder if God feels the same way when he looks at my life or the lives of mankind in general.  When he created man he declared that it was very good but after the fall things have never been the same.  Sometimes I feel like my life is like the movie Groundhog Day.  I constantly struggle with the same issues.  Does God tire of hearing the same prayers year after year for the same issues?  Does he get upset when I fail to remember his promise to never leave or to forsake me?  Does he become frustrated when I disobey his direct command or when I fail to follow in the way he is leading?  Does my constant concern about what others think about me cause him distress?  Does he see me as being catatonic when he tells me repeatedly to do something and I simply ignore him?  Does he see the great potential that he gave me and mourn that it is not being fully realized?  Does it make him sad?  I wonder.

Who Determines My Future?

Thursday 10/24/2013 5:24 AM

Today my assigned scripture includes Genesis 24, the account of Abraham’s servant searching for a wife for Isaac.  As I read there were three things that impressed me about the faith of Abraham and the obedience and faith of his servant.

The first occurs at the beginning of the story when the servant questions Abraham about the wisdom of traveling so far to find a wife.  He suggests to Abraham that a woman from that far away might not be willing to leave her family to accompany him.  Abraham’s immediate response is, “The Lord, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father’s household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, ‘To your offspring I will give this land’ – he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there.”  Abraham didn’t hedge his bets by inquiring ahead of time about the availability of a suitable spouse for Isaac; he simply trusted that God would provide one of his own choosing.

The second occurs after the servant had journeyed to Abraham’s homeland.  When he gets there he immediately prays, “Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, show kindness to my master Abraham.  See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water.  May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink,’ and I’ll water your camels too’ – let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac.  By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.”  The master has the same faith as Abraham.  He doesn’t scout out all the suitable spouses, do a background check and then select the one that seems best to him; he simply lets God do the selecting.

Finally, the response of the servant when God answers his prayer for a spouse for Isaac is impressive.  The Bible says, “Then the man bowed down and worshiped the Lord, saying, ‘Praise be to the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness to my master.  As for me, the Lord has led me on the journey to the house of my master’s relatives.”  He does not pat himself on the back for doing such a great job and devising such a great plan to achieve his goal, he gives the credit to God and acknowledges his guiding hand through it all.

I want to live my life like Abraham and his servant led theirs, fully reliant upon God.  I pray that when obstacles arise I will have the faith to trust God to fulfill his purpose in spite of the obstacles.  When faced with choices I pray that I will not hedge my bets and try to determine what is best for me but that I will trust God to determine the best path and live at peace with whatever comes my way.  And finally, when I have success in my life I pray that I will have the humility and grace to acknowledge that it is all the work of God and thank him accordingly.

Optimization

Tuesday 10/22/2013 5:32 AM

Mathematics is often used to optimize functions, to find the maximum value or the minimum value over a certain domain.  This is one of the major reasons it has such a wide variety of applications since the business man wants to maximize profits and minimize costs, the engineer wants maximum strength for a beam with minimum weight, a runner wants maximum speed with minimum energy expended, etc.  Because of my affinity for math I tend to treat my spiritual life and journey in the same way.  I want to maximize my awareness of God in my life with the minimum amount of effort.  As a result, I am constantly looking for ways to spend as little time as possible contemplating God and his will for me and still have the sense that God is present with me and guiding me.  I have a feeling I am not alone since the internet is filled with sites offering a word from the Bible for each day or other inspiring phrases that can be posted on our mirror in the morning for inspiration.  Unfortunately, for many people I know, it is easy to say, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” or “All things work together for good,” when things are going well but, when tragedy strikes, we are left floundering, afloat in a sea of doubt and unbelief.

Today my assigned scripture includes Exodus 13:17-22.  It begins with these words; “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. … God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea.”  The Israelites lived in the land of Goshen, near the Mediterranean Sea.  The shortest way to the Promised Land was along the coast, where the weather would have been more temperate and traveling easy.  Instead God sent them into the heat of the desert where the terrain would have been worse.  I’m pretty sure the Israelites were wondering why God was guiding them down such a difficult path when there was a much easier way.

I feel the same way in my life and I’ve come to the conclusion that either God is not maximizing and minimizing the same function as I am or he is not using the same math.  In my ideal world, and that of many others I know, a good God does not allow shooting rampages like the one yesterday in Nevada, he does not allow the poor to be exploited, children do not starve while others are obese, and so on.  I want a world that makes sense and where everything is wonderful.  God’s goal is to mold me into the image of Christ, who sacrificed himself for others.  He wants me to have compassion and love for those I meet instead of always being concerned about my own welfare.  His method of accomplishing his goal conflicts with my ideal scenario and often sends me into a tailspin of doubt.  Perhaps someday I will understand God’s optimization methods.  For now, I need to trust.