Saturday 12/3/2016 5:51 AM
We are currently experiencing the Santa Ana winds that occasionally blow in the Los Angeles basin. Yesterday there were numerous reports of downed trees and power lines throughout the area, causing extensive damage to property and generally disrupting people’s normal routines. When the winds occur in the summer months they are accompanied by high temperatures and are the perfect combination for wildfires. But, this morning when I ran, the temperature was 48 and the winds made it seem even colder.
The past few months have been a dark time for me. God seems distant to me and I have withdrawn in many areas of my life. I am doing what needs to be done at school but my heart doesn’t seem to be in it like it usually is. In my position of leadership at church I have also withdrawn, skipping meetings and disengaging during times of worship. Any service I give is done grudgingly and without enthusiasm. I feel distant from Jaci and don’t seem to have any energy to spend in trying to close that gap. Overall I feel a deep sadness that permeates every area of my life. I feel chilled, with the Santa Ana winds of life swirling around me, knocking down the power lines that usually energize me.
I’m pretty sure my feelings of sadness are caused by the difficult circumstances that have beset those I love this past year. My nephew Derek’s near death this past winter, my brother-in-law Stan’s serious health problems with the infection in his hip and pacemaker, and my mom’s deteriorating health and eventual death have all adversely affected me. I have a feeling it is going to be a while before I get back to normal.
My assigned psalm for the week is Psalm 62. Verse 3 is a good description of the way I feel, “How long will you assault me? Would all of you throw me down – this leaning wall, this tottering fence?” It seems like only a matter of time that my fence will topple because of the winds that are blowing. But my reading also included Isaiah 51:3, “The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing.” This gives me hope that even if the circumstances of life assail me and knock me down, God’s love will eventually restore me and bring back the joy and gladness for which I yearn.