Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Rye Grass and Bermuda

Tuesday 1/31/2012 5:07 AM
Yesterday afternoon I spent a couple of hours mowing the lawn and weeding the flowerbeds.  I also spent time digging out dandelions and the rye grass that springs up in the lawn every winter.  During the cold winter months my Bermuda grass goes dormant, turning a dull brown and growing very little, due to cold temperatures and a lack of sunlight.  The rye grass, on the other hand, springs up everywhere and quickly goes to seed, reproducing itself so prolifically during the rainy season that it takes over the entire lawn if left unchecked.  When spring comes with its warmer temperatures the Bermuda comes back to life and the rye dies, leaving brown patches strewn throughout the lawn.  The rye grass has an extremely shallow root system and cannot stand the dry heat of the summer while the Bermuda has tubers snaking deeper below the surface where they find the needed water and are protected from the heat.  The rye is short-lived, flourishing for a few months and then dying while the Bermuda, while dormant for a season, uses that season to strengthen its tubers and extend its territory.
This morning I read a description of the people of God in Jeremiah 3:10.  “…Judah did not return to me with all her heart, but only in pretense.”  I looked up the word ‘pretense’ and one definition was ‘mere ostentation’.  When I looked up ‘ostentation’ it said a ‘showy display’.  God wanted sincerity and an all-out commitment from his people but they gave a great show for all to see but their heart wasn’t in it.
Sometimes I am like the people of Judah.  I put on a good show for others to see but my heart is far away.  I want to appear green and growing during the difficult times of life, like the rye grass in my lawn is during the winter, but that kind of pretended enthusiasm only goes so far and soon dies away.  God prefers that I sink my roots deeper into his love and mercy so I don’t founder and die during those dry times.
I want to be rye grass; God prefers Bermuda.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Midnight Praise


Saturday 1/28/2012 4:21 AM
Yesterday morning I went for my daily run at about 10:30, later than my usual pre-dawn time.  At that time of the day there was much more traffic with which to deal and there were many people walking on the sidewalks and out working in their yards.  I listened to my iPod as I ran but I greeted those I met with a friendly good morning as I ran past.  When I ran past the Norwalk Sheriff’s Station there were two men weeding the flowerbed who were dressed in yellow Los Angeles County Jail jumpsuits.  I appreciate well-tended gardens and I crossed the street to thank them for their work in making things look so nice.  As I started to speak I suddenly realized that they might be working to fulfill some sort of community service requirement rather than working because they wanted to, so I said something to the effect of, “Maybe you don’t have a choice in doing this job but I really appreciate your efforts and want to thank you for making things look so nice.”  They mumbled a polite “Thank you, sir” and I continued on my way.
Less than half a block away the song on my iPod changed to I Bless Your Name by Selah, which begins with the words “in prisoners chains.”  I noted the coincidence of hearing about prisoners chains on my iPod after just speaking with prisoners and began listening carefully to the lyrics to see if there would be any other coincidences.  The second verse of the song spoke clearly to me.  “Some midnight hour if you should find you’re in a prison in your mind; reach out and praise, defy those chains, and they will fall in Jesus’ name.”
I have been going through a period of darkness in my mind lately, imprisoned by frustration and a sense of purposelessness.  I have definitely not been praising God.  Instead, I’ve been shaking my fist at God in anger, demanding answers while hearing nothing but sounds of silence.  It seems that the chains that hold my mind get stronger when I lash out in anger and bitterness.  When I heard the song lyrics the Spirit brought the words of Job 13:15 to my mind, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.”  If Job could praise God in his circumstances I should be able to do so in mine.
Ironically the words to the song by Selah were meaningful to me in a different way just a few years ago.  I wrote these words on May 25, 2009, the Monday morning after Emily graduated from college, “Yesterday I was overwhelmed by God’s goodness at the end of my devotional time.  Seeing how God has provided for me and for my family over the years filled me with a great sense of gratitude and began to weep uncontrollably as I listened to the song I Bless Your Name by Selah.  “I bless your name, I bless your name.  I give you honor, give you praise.  You are the life, the truth, the way.  I bless your name, I bless your name.””  Who knows, someday maybe I’ll learn to praise God not only at noontime, when God’s love is shining brightly for me to see, but also in my midnight hours.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Ask, Seek, Knock

Wednesday 1/25/2012 4:22 AM
The Bible can be irritating to me when I read it.  Everything seems so easy.  The other day I wrote about the frustration I feel when I read about the miracles of Jesus.  He saw a problem, performed the miracle, and then everything was hunky dory and everyone praised God.  When I see problems, the problems persist, nothing seems to change and I’m left wondering if God is who he says he is and, if so, I wonder if I am an effective witness because Jesus said that his disciples would do even greater things than he did.
Today is another example of this phenomenon.  Matthew 7:7-8 says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”  Simple right?  How hard can it be?  Well, I’ve been asking, seeking and knocking for the past few months and, from my perspective, I have not received or found anything and the door remains firmly shut.
The opening prayer in my devotional material included these words, “assist me to choose the way of life eternal.”  When I prayed those words the Spirit reminded me of Jesus’ words in John 17:3, “Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.”  Ironically, the asking, seeking and knocking that I have been doing of late is that I might see evidence in my life that shows that I am on the same side as God, that I know his heart and that I have aligned my life with the values of the kingdom of God.  I have also prayed that if I not within his will, that he would show me where I need to change.  When I pray that prayer, and there is nothing but silence from God, I become frustrated.
My hymn this week is Still, for Thy Loving-kindness, Lord by Charles Wesley and it describes my situation pretty well.

Still, for thy loving-kindness, Lord,
I in thy temple wait:
I look to find thee in thy word,
Or at thy table meet.

Here, in thine own appointed ways,
I wait to learn thy will:
Silent I stand before thy face,
And hear thee say, – Be still!

Be still! and know that I am God;
’Tis all I live to know;
To feel the virtue of thy blood,
And spread its praise below.

I wait my vigor to renew,
Thine image to retrieve;
The veil of outward things pass through,
And gasp in thee to live.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Kindle Fire


Thursday 1/19/2012 5:06 AM
My faith’s vibrancy ebbs and flows with time.  Sometimes it seems as if God is walking next to me like a good friend and we converse regularly, enjoying each other's company.  At other times he seems distant at best or completely absent from my life.  I seem to be stuck in the nadir of this cycle lately and I feel as if I am suffering from spiritual neuropathy, a combination of numbness and pain.
My reading today includes the words of Jesus in John 6:63, “The words I have spoken to you – they are full of the Spirit and life.”  I have no doubt those words of Jesus are true but they certainly don’t seem to be so full of life to me this morning.  I would like to experience the life of the Spirit coursing through my body but, of late, there is nothing.
While I wrote the previous paragraph the screen on my Kindle went black, as the power-saving mode activated.  It would seem like a good portrayal of the way I feel about my life at the moment; the power has gone out and I seem to be walking in darkness.  As I looked at the screen it suddenly came to life with the words “Kindle Fire” glimmering on the screen.  After about thirty seconds there were the additional words “installing updates” underneath, with a progress bar slowly expanding as the programs to make my Kindle operate more efficiently were downloaded.  Eventually the progress bar disappeared but the words “Kindle Fire” remained on the screen for a couple more minutes while the internal programs were overwritten with the updates.
At first the words “Kindle Fire” seemed like an imperative to me, a kind of pick-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps command to kindle the fire of my faith.  That thought made me even more distraught since my efforts to do so have been unsuccessful.  But then I had the picture of the Spirit of God blowing on the dying embers of my faith, dropping a little pine straw on them in order to kindle a fire where there is but a dim glow.  I have a feeling that is the more accurate picture of the two.  Perhaps God is in the process of installing updates to make me, his child, more effective in the building of his kingdom.  It will be interesting to see what comes of it all.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

God's Progress Report


Wednesday 1/18/2012 4:51 AM
In my reading today James Fenhagen describes various ministries of the local congregation.  According to Fenhagen there are ministries of caring, ministries on behalf of justice and reconciliation, ministries of witness, ministries of dialogue, ministries that bring Christian values to bear on the decision-making process of politics and business, and ministries of support.  As I read through the list I thought of people who performed those ministries.  Mother Teresa had a ministry of caring, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., whose birthday we just celebrated this past Monday, had a ministry of justice and reconciliation, and so on.  Similar names came to mind for the other categories as I read through the list and I began to wonder into which of the categories I might fit.  There was no category for ministry of teaching math to community college students.
Once again the longing for significance is rising within and I wonder what God thinks of my life.  The ministries of my day-to-day routine seem insignificant at best when compared to those described by Fenhagen.  When I think of the parable of the talents, I feel like the servant who buried his talent in the ground because I see no return from my daily investments into the lives of others.  I’m probably going through some kind of midlife crisis or else I have a great deal of insecurity, but I feel much like I did in my first year of teaching when I wanted some feedback on my teaching ability.  I wanted to know the things I did well, so that I could continue doing them, and I wanted to know what I was not doing well so I could improve.  In the parable of the sheep and the goats, both the sheep and the goats are surprised at God’s pronouncement upon them and both groups ask the same question: When did we see you hungry, or naked, or in prison…?  Since God wants everyone to come to faith, and no one to perish, I sometimes wonder why God didn’t tell the goats they were missing the boat and why he didn’t encourage the sheep to keep up the good work.  Then no one would have been surprised.
It would be nice if God would give me a progress report on my life’s work so, if necessary, I could change course.  Unfortunately, for me, it seems he maintains silence.

Monday, January 16, 2012

I Work; God Builds


Monday 1/16/2012 5:16 AM
Over the past few days I have been reflecting on my life and the frustration I experience when I can’t determine the will of God for myself or, when I think I am being obedient to his call, there are no results from my efforts to build the kingdom of God.
Today I turned my devotional book to the new week and the opening prayer includes these fitting words, “Help us, we pray, to know the duty you have assigned us and to so live our lives that the world may be a better place for all your creatures.”  I pray the same prayer regularly and earnestly seek to obey and perform my assigned duty when it becomes clear to me what it is.  My psalm for the week is Psalm 32.  Verse 8 reads, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”  In the past I have received instruction, guidance and counsel from God.  I have tried to follow his leading but lately it seems that there are either no results from my obedience or the ministry to which I’m called simply evaporates.  That is the biggest source of my frustration.
The next part of my devotional time is spent reflecting on the writing of others and today it includes an excerpt from Howard Thurman’s book The Inward Journey.  In commenting about those who work for the kingdom of God he writes, “We are never under obligation to achieve results. … The task of men who work for the Kingdom of God, is to Work for the kingdom of God.  The result beyond this demand is not in their hands.  He who keeps his eyes on results cannot give himself wholeheartedly to his task, however simple or complex that task may be.”  Now that is a message I needed to hear.  I have been too focused on the results of my work rather than focusing on the work itself.  Ultimately God has the responsibility to build his kingdom; the results are his alone.  Whether he uses my efforts to further the progress or not is up to him, not up to me.  My job is to faithfully work.
The final portion of my devotional time is spent reflecting on a hymn.  The assigned hymn for the week is Lord, Whose Love through Humble Service by Albert Frederick Bayly.  The last two stanzas of this hymn are my prayer today.

As we worship, grant us vision,
Till your love’s revealing light
In its height and depth and greatness
Dawns upon our quickened sight,
Making known the needs and burdens
Your compassion bids us bear,
Stirring us to tireless striving
Your abundant life to share.

Called by worship to your service,
Forth in your dear name we go
To the child, the youth, the aged,
Love in living deeds to show;
Hope and health, good will and comfort,
Counsel, aid, and peace we give,
That your servants, Lord, in freedom
May your mercy know, and live.