Calm, Confidence, and Peace

Thursday 2/11/21 4:00 AM

Last summer and fall were times of great anxiety and stress for me as I waded through the unknown waters of teaching online courses, completing my sabbatical project, and dealing with the solitude and isolation foisted upon us all by the pandemic. I slept poorly and felt like a failure in my job as a teacher. To deal with the stress I did a lot of walking. During my walks I rehearsed scripture, prayed, and sang songs that focused on God’s power, his character, and his provision.

I’m not sure if I am adjusting to this new environment and learning better how to navigate things or if my deepening relationship with God is the cause, but I have a much better outlook on life at the moment and I have no fear of what the future may hold. I have confidence that God will see me through whatever comes my way.

Two of my assigned scripture passages for today describe my situation pretty well. Psalm 18:16-17 reads, “He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.” I have no doubt that God is responsible for my change of attitude and for my sense of calm. Psalm 112:6-8 reads, “Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.” While I have no grandiose claims to being righteous, the rest of these verses’ claims of having no fear of bad news, of having a steadfast and secure heart, and of trusting God are an accurate description of my current state of mind.

I read the writing of Rueben Job in my devotional material this morning and I believe he provides the reason for my newfound calm, confidence, and sense of peace. “To remember who creates us and recreates, who calls us again and again, who knows us completely, and who loves us unconditionally is to be prepared, as Jesus was, for all that is to come. We need have no fear of today or anxiety about tomorrow. We belong to God who claims us as beloved children and holds us close in the embrace of strength and love. Listen and remember today that God calls your name and be transformed and sustained in all that awaits you.” Thank God for his sustaining mercy.

Solitude

Thursday 2/4/21 3:38 AM

    Over the past year I have spent much time in solitude. This is especially true when I walk alone, without listening to music or podcasts, early in the morning. I am frustrated by the lack of face-to-face interaction with people while teaching remotely during the pandemic and spend a lot of time walking alone throughout the day in an attempt to maintain circulation in my legs and maintain my sanity. Jaci and I are fortunate to have some interaction with our children and grandchildren but we both long to nurture meaningful relationships outside of our family, which is difficult or impossible to do over the phone or during a Zoom session. Sometimes I feel like the solitude and isolation I am experiencing during the pandemic will become too overwhelming to deal with. A couple of weeks ago I heard that Cerritos College will likely still be exercising remote learning during the fall semester, which I found to be very disheartening. It makes me sad and depressed to even think about it.

    Today I read an excerpt from Henri Nouwen’s book The Way of the Heart that gives a different perspective on solitude. He writes, “Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self. Jesus himself entered into this furnace. There he was tempted with the three compulsions of the world: to be relevant, to be spectacular, and to be powerful. There he affirmed God as the only source of his identity. Solitude is the place of the great struggle and the great encounter – the struggle against the compulsions of the false self, and the encounter with the loving God who offers himself as the substance of the new self. … Solitude is not a private therapeutic place. Rather, it is the place of conversion, the place where the old self dies and the new self is born, the place where the emergence of the new man and the new woman occurs.”

    I’m not sure what kind of transformation God has in mind for me but I definitely feel like I am changing in a profound way. Perhaps I need to stop striving for praise and validation from others - my own attempts to be relevant, spectacular, and powerful - and let my encounters with my loving God on my solitary walks be sufficient.