Thursday, February 22, 2018

Husks and Trappings


Thursday 2/22/18 3:14 AM
Yesterday a former student quoted the following from Aurora Leigh, by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
Earth’s crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries,
And daub their natural faces unaware
More and more from the first similitude.
When I read the quote, I thought about how I see patterns and designs everywhere I look, in bushes, clouds, trees, mountain ranges, swirling winds, topography, and so on. The patterns usually suggest some sort of mathematical expression or equation, which often contains the most elementary ideas and functions. Like some mathematicians before me, I see in these simple equations the fingerprint of God. I am one who takes off my shoes and contemplates the wonder of it all, basking in the simplicity of complexity.
Today I read a quote by Phillips Brooks that suggests the same idea from a different perspective. He writes, “The greatest danger facing all of us … is that we may fail to perceive life’s greatest meaning, fall short of its highest good, miss its deepest and most abiding happiness, be unable to render the most needed service, be unconscious of life ablaze with the light of the Presence of God – and be content to have it so – that is the danger. That some day we may wake up and find that always we have been busy with the husks and trappings of life – and have really missed life itself.”
This week I have been busy with the husks and trapping of my life, writing tests, correcting tests, attending meetings, writing letters of recommendation, preparing lectures, teaching classes, and tutoring and counseling students. I have spent long days immersed in my work but unaware the presence of God. I need to guard against becoming so busy that I fail to see the meaning of life and the things that bring abiding happiness. Lord, keep me cognizant of your presence with me and of your image that is borne by all people so that I do not miss out life itself.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

O God, the Pain of My Life


Sunday 2/18/18 6:17 AM
When I pray I usually begin my prayer with the word “Lord,” or “Father.” Both are rather formal forms of address but that is how I was taught, and both feel “right” to me. In Jesus’ day the idea of addressing God as Father was considered blasphemous and when Jesus said “Abba” he was using the Hebrew word for Daddy. That kind of intimacy with God is something for which I long, but it doesn’t seem right because of the way I was raised, to respect and honor God.
In his book Beginning to Pray, Anthony Bloom writes, “Unless we can find the right name for God, we have no free, real, joyful, open access to him. As long as we have to call God by general terms like ‘The Almighty,’ ‘The Lord God,’ as long as we have to put ‘the’ before the word to make it anonymous, to make it a generic term, we cannot use it as a personal name.” He goes on to say that in one of his psalms David bursts out with the words, “You, my Joy!” Bloom then writes, “… when we can say to God, ‘O You my Joy!’ or when you can say, ‘O You the pain of my life, O You who are standing in the midst of it as torment, as a problem, as a stumbling block!’ or when we can address Him with violence, then we have established a relationship of prayer.”
I have definitely had those types of feelings about God but addressing him like that in prayer seems entirely wrong to me. Although, when I read the psalms, there are times when David is shaking his fist in anger at God or expressing confusion and befuddlement at God’s way of doing things. David is described as one who is after God’s own heart. God has created me in his own image with all kinds of emotions that surface in different kinds of circumstances. I’m pretty sure he is aware of my feelings when I address him and wouldn’t be surprised at my anger or confusion. Perhaps I need to be more honest with myself and address God more honestly as well.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Young Love


Saturday 2/17/18 6:51 AM
Psalm 84 is my psalm for the week. This morning I noticed verse 2, “My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.” That kind of yearning and intensity in my relationship with God seems to be a thing of the past. There was a time when I eagerly looked forward to my devotional time, wondering what new insight God would give me for the day. Now it seems to be a chore to sit down and read my Bible and pray. At the same time, it seems that my awareness of God’s presence with me and of his love for me has increased. I feel as if I am more aware of God’s image being imprinted upon those with whom I interact every day and I recognize his sustaining hand as I observe the created world around me. These seemingly contradictory experiences make me wonder about which represents the reality of my relationship with God.
Today I also thought about my relationship with Jaci. Early in our relationship, when hormones were raging, my heart would flutter when I would see her, and I couldn’t wait to spend time just being together. As our relationship matured, our kids entered the picture, and the hormones subsided, we still enjoyed being together, but the fluttering heart was replaced with a deep conviction that we are committed to each other and we will be there for each other, come what may. That kind of assurance brings its own kind of good feeling.
Today I read an excerpt from Man’s Quest for God, by Abraham Joshua Heschel, in which he addresses the feelings we have regarding God being close to us. “What is decisive is not the mystic experience of our being close to him; decisive is not our ‘feeling’ but our ‘certainty’ of his being close to us – although even his presence is veiled and beyond the scope of our emotion. Decisive is not our emotion but our ‘conviction.’ If such conviction is lacking, if the presence of God is a myth, then prayer to God is a delusion. If God is unable to listen to us, then we are insane in talking to him.” It makes me wonder if I have moved from the emotional phase of my relationship with God to the conviction phase much in the same way my relationship with Jaci has changed over time.
It is one thing to recognize what may be going on in an intellectual way in both of those relationships, but it still doesn’t take away my desire to experience those strong feelings that accompany young love. It would be nice to be swept off my feet again, even if only for a brief time.