O God, the Pain of My Life

Sunday 2/18/18 6:17 AM

When I pray I usually begin my prayer with the word “Lord,” or “Father.” Both are rather formal forms of address but that is how I was taught, and both feel “right” to me. In Jesus’ day the idea of addressing God as Father was considered blasphemous and when Jesus said “Abba” he was using the Hebrew word for Daddy. That kind of intimacy with God is something for which I long, but it doesn’t seem right because of the way I was raised, to respect and honor God.

In his book Beginning to Pray, Anthony Bloom writes, “Unless we can find the right name for God, we have no free, real, joyful, open access to him. As long as we have to call God by general terms like ‘The Almighty,’ ‘The Lord God,’ as long as we have to put ‘the’ before the word to make it anonymous, to make it a generic term, we cannot use it as a personal name.” He goes on to say that in one of his psalms David bursts out with the words, “You, my Joy!” Bloom then writes, “… when we can say to God, ‘O You my Joy!’ or when you can say, ‘O You the pain of my life, O You who are standing in the midst of it as torment, as a problem, as a stumbling block!’ or when we can address Him with violence, then we have established a relationship of prayer.”

I have definitely had those types of feelings about God but addressing him like that in prayer seems entirely wrong to me. Although, when I read the psalms, there are times when David is shaking his fist in anger at God or expressing confusion and befuddlement at God’s way of doing things. David is described as one who is after God’s own heart. God has created me in his own image with all kinds of emotions that surface in different kinds of circumstances. I’m pretty sure he is aware of my feelings when I address him and wouldn’t be surprised at my anger or confusion. Perhaps I need to be more honest with myself and address God more honestly as well.