Trusting God

Tuesday 2/19/2013 4:20 AM

My psalm for the week is Psalm 25, one that I committed to memory a few years ago.  It begins with a simple statement of faith, “In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.”  It may be a simple statement but it is loaded with possibilities.  David states his request in verses 4 and 5.  “Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.  Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”  God, of course holds up his side of the bargain.  “Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.  He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. … Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?  He will instruct them in the way they should choose. … The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them.”  It seems it doesn’t matter to God if I am a sinner or one who fears God, if I trust God and ask for direction, God will deliver.  Praying for God to teach me his way is a loaded prayer.

In her book Clinging–The Experience of Prayer, Emilie Griffin writes, “Prayer is, after all, a very dangerous business.  For all the benefits it offers of growing closer to God, it carries with it one great element of risk: the possibility of change.  In prayer we open ourselves to the chance that God will do something with us that we had not intended.  We yield to possibilities of intense perception, of seeing through human masks and the density of ‘things’ to the very center of reality.  This possibility excites us, but at the same time there is a fluttering in the stomach that goes with any dangerous adventure.  We foresee a confrontation with the unknown, being hurt, being frightened, being chased down.  Don’t we know for a fact that people who begin by ‘just praying’–with no particular aim in mind–wind up trudging off to missionary lands, entering monasteries, taking part in demonstrations, dedicating themselves to the poor and the sick?  To avoid this, sometimes we excuse ourselves from prayer by doing good works on a carefully controlled schedule.  We volunteer for school committees, to be readers in church or youth counselors, doing good works in hopes that this will distract the Lord from asking us anything more difficult.  By doing something specific and limited ‘for God,’ something we judge to be enough and more than enough, we skirt the possibility that God–in prayer–may ask us what he wants to ask, may suggest what we should do.”

I often joke with my small group that if I don’t want God to tell me what to do I simply stop reading my Bible and stop praying.  Griffin would probably agree that this is an effective strategy of avoiding the call of God.  In reality, I often hear the call of God but I fail to act in obedient faith.  I don’t trust God.  It is easy to pray for someone who has recently suffered a loss but when God suggests that I invite the person to lunch and share in their grief I step back; worried that I may accidentally open a wound that has begun healing.  It is easy to pray for those who are outcasts of society, but when God suggests that I greet a former member of my church who is gay, and attending worship with his parents and his partner, I refuse to do so because I fear the awkwardness of the situation.  God does his part in teaching me his way, the way of love, but I fail to act.  God has promised to equip me for the task to which he calls me but I do not trust God to be true to his promise.

I wonder how long it took for David to come to a point where he could write confidently, “In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.”  I am still not to that point and I wonder if I will ever get there.  Perhaps I should pray about it.  Of course, if I do that God will undoubtedly give me more opportunities to practice.  Maybe I’ll volunteer for a school committee.