Sunday 9/1/2013 7:56 AM
A couple of days ago one of my Facebook friends posted a
status update something like this: If I died tomorrow what is one thing you
would remember about me? No one,
including me, responded. This person has
struggled with mental health issues over the years and has few friends. I have had lunch with the person on more than
one occasion but our conversation has always been forced and awkward. I wanted to respond to the post, stressing
some positive quality that has been meaningful to me, but I had difficulty
coming up with something that was not trite or insincere. Why is it so easy for me to find and comment
on the negative traits of a person and so difficult to do the same with the
positive? I often blame it on my
vocation as a teacher, always looking for things that need correction, but I
have a feeling it goes deeper than that.
Today I read an excerpt from the book With Open Heart by Michael Quoist that I find very convicting. “R. has just told me that Bernard (a priest
and a friend, a wonderful, remarkable, generous man of action who gave his all)
has died, defeated by depression. … I am going to the funeral. I had hesitated–why go? For him?
I can pray for him right here. For
his family, friends, myself?
Perhaps. However I know that I
will be going to very little more than a show.
I can already hear the sudden concert of unanimous praise and the
miraculous disappearance of all criticism and reservation. Like all sensitive beings, Bernard wanted a
bit of approval, a little encouragement.
But he would never have believed the amount of praise that’s going to be
heaped on him now. The tragic thing is
that just a fraction of it could have perhaps saved him. Despite all, I’m going to the interment. I haven’t got the courage not to go.” Quoist’s observations are similar to those I
have made at memorial services and I wonder what it is that keeps me, and
others like me, from extending compliments and expressions of gratitude to
others for who they are and for how they have impacted our lives. Am I so concerned about what others think of
me that I am afraid to think about what I think of others? Am I afraid that I might give a compliment to
someone, expecting one in return, only to be disappointed when the compliment
is not reciprocated?
What I really need is to find my worth and security in how
God views me. If I recognize and believe
that God thinks enough of me to die for me then the need for approval from
others should disappear and I will be free to dispense that same grace of God
to others through my human voice. Lord,
give me a clearer vision of who I am, and who others are, in your eyes.
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