Darkness and Quiet

Tuesday 12/12/2017 4:51 AM

Today is my last day of exams for this semester. Along with the last day of the semester comes the grading of exams, posting final grades, and then begin planning for the new semester beginning in three short weeks. I hope to finish writing my syllabi, planning my lecture and homework schedules, and making my lesson plans for the first week of the new semester within the next week or two so I can really have a relaxing time when Ryan and Kate and their kids come for Christmas. I’m teaching multivariable calculus again next semester and I have some new ideas to try out so the work for that class will be a little more intense.

As the years pass the time seems to move more quickly and technologies and teaching methods change while my energy level and stamina seems to diminish. The combination of those two things leaves me feeling more overwhelmed and intimidated with each new semester. I find that I need to be more intentional in my planning and more disciplined in doing my work or time slips away and I end up flying by the seat of my pants. I’m not a big fan of change. I prefer things to be the same as they’ve always been.

My relationship with God also goes through times of change. Sometimes I feel as if God is really moving in my life while at other times my relationship with God stagnates. Maria Boulding describes this process in her book, The Coming of God. She writes, “For those who pray regularly the time may come fairly soon when particular thought or words no long seem to help. Prayer seems to have gone dead. The relationship is moving into a new phase, and you have to change gear. At other times you may be able to find as much inspiration as ever in the Scriptures, in thinking about God and in the experiences that generally mediate his word to you, but when you try any of this in the time of prayer, you have the impression that this and real prayer are mutually exclusive. … Provided that you are refusing God nothing, you can probably trust the inclination to let it ride a bit. Wait in silence, attentiveness, stillness, just aware of God in some dim way and of your need of [God], but without particular efforts to formulate ideas or words, except perhaps just to bring yourself gently back when you stray. It is baffling and disconcerting, but in some way all-important to you to stay there like that in darkness and quiet.”

Just like in my teaching, I do not like change in my relationship with God. I am a creature of habit and routine and when my normal routine of spending time with God no longer seems to be effective in hearing from God I find it disconcerting. Maria Boulding suggests it is important for me to stay in the darkness and quiet. I would prefer not to do so.