Benevolence

Wednesday 12/14/2011 5:22 AM

Today I read from Deuteronomy 15 where it describes the seventh year, a time when the debts of fellow Hebrews were to be cancelled.  Verses 12-14 describe the protocol for slaves, “If any of your people – Hebrew men or women – sell themselves to you and serve you six years, in the seventh year you must let them go free.  And when you release them, do not send them away empty-handed.  Supply them liberally from your flock, your threshing floor and your winepress.  Give to them as the Lord your God has blessed you.”

Over the course of the past few years the economy has taken a dive and thousands have lost their jobs, had their cars repossessed, had their homes foreclosed or some other equally devastating event.  It seems that our consumer-based economy has come to a grinding halt and all attempts by the government to jumpstart it have been to no avail.  Depending upon whom you talk to, the fault is laid at the feet of corporate greed, or too much government intervention, or too little government intervention, or individual irresponsibility or … you fill in the blank.

Regardless of whom you blame, in my opinion, the root cause is selfishness, looking out for myself without regard to others.  In the corporate world, selfishness exhibits itself in decisions that are made to maximize profits without regarding the effects on the workers, the community or the environment.  In the political realm, selfishness exhibits itself in making laws that benefit my cronies and me and will ensure my reelection, without giving regard to the effects of the laws on a larger constituency.  In the personal realm, selfishness exhibits itself in wanting personal benefit without personal cost without giving regard to the cost to my neighbor.  I personally believe that this tendency toward selfishness is inherent to human nature and, knowing that, God prescribed a different way of living for his people.

In God’s economy some people prosper while others fail, often through no fault of their own.  But God does not want it to be a lifelong failure; it is to be only for a time.  My prosperity is not meant to benefit me alone, it is to be shared with the larger community.  In our western world we see prosperity and poverty as something that is earned through either hard work or through sloth.  When viewed from this perspective what I earn is mine to keep and those who have little or nothing simply need to work harder and stop being so lazy.  In truth, my prosperity is a gift of God for the good of the broader community.  My health, my intellect, my drive to work hard, my circumstances, … everything, comes from the hand of God.  God is liberal with his gifts to me and his call to me is to simply reflect his benevolence to me by being benevolent to others.

In her book Poustinia, Catherine de Hueck Doherty writes, "...if I touch God I must touch humanity."  If I have an intimate, living relationship with God, I won't simply curl up in a ball and bask in the glow of his love, I will share his heart for people and will be moved by compassion to show grace and mercy to others around me.  It sounds so simple.  Why do I struggle so in carrying it out?

Conduits Wanted

Tuesday 12/13/2011 5:11 AM

Matthew 7:7-8 is part of my reading today.  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”  When I have read these verses in the past I have always taken it as a reason to pray boldly, because Jesus follows up with the assurance that the Father will give good gifts to those who ask.  Today I read these words after reading the story of Elijah and the widow of Zarephath in 1 Kings 17.  In that story Elijah is the one asking, seeking and knocking, but the widow is the one who paid the price by giving, being found and opening her door.  God was using her to provide for the needs of Elijah and God was providing for her needs and the needs of her son.

My devotional reading includes a description of the way a Russian poustinik, or hermit, was to live.  He was to build a simple shelter that was to be unlocked at all times.  Anyone in the community could come to him at anytime and he had to do whatever was asked.  If they wanted help with some work, he was to help; if they wanted prayer, he was to pray.  When people entered his room, he was required to offer equal proportions of whatever food he had to those who visited.  The book says it this way, “Hospitality above all means that the poustinik is just passing on whatever God has put into his empty hands.  He gives all that he has, and is: words, works, himself, and his food.”  The widow of Zarephath is a good example of how the poustinik should live and, I believe, of how a Christian should live.

This past year Jaci and I have increased the amount of money that we donate to charitable causes.  One result of this action on our part is that occasionally we have more month than money, which, for the first time in my life, makes me a little uncomfortable.  I listen to others my age with children finally out of the house who are socking away money in their retirement accounts so they can accumulate enough to have a comfortable retirement.  I have always invested a small amount of money into an account but I am not increasing that amount now that I have the means to do so, instead I am giving a larger percentage away.  I have always said that God has taken care of me this far in my life, I imagine he can handle the remaining years too, but as I get older the reality of that statement is hitting home, which is probably the cause of my discomfort.

Giving away money is one thing but God asks me to give of my work, my words and myself whenever someone is in need.  That, of course, is a bit harder to do and I struggle with knowing how to balance my responsibility to be available for Jaci and the rest of my family with being available to others.  The image of passing on whatever God has placed in my empty hands is not lost on me this morning.  I’m afraid my tendency is to grasp onto what is placed in my hands so that they are no longer empty.  God, on the other hand, wants a conduit, not a catch basin.

Impatience

Sunday 12/11/2011 4:48 AM

I know no one who likes to wait.  It seems to me that our modern western world teaches impatience, and I have learned the lesson well.  As an example, this morning I decided to purchase electronic version of the NIV Study Bible for my new Kindle Fire.  When I hit the purchase button on the screen a warning popped up reminding me that the download could take more time because of the size of the file.  The total time of download was less than a minute and yet I had to be reminded to be patient.

The first thing I read on my newly purchased NIV Bible included Psalm 5:3, “In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.”  There is a big difference between the words expectantly and impatiently and I have a feeling that if I would have written Psalm 5 it would read, “…I lay my requests before you and wait impatiently.”  Over the course of the past few months I have wondered about God’s will for my life, now that my prison ministry has ended.  I have prayed that God would reveal it to me but he seems to be silent regarding anything specific.  This has caused a great deal of frustration for me.

In her book Poustinia Catherine de Hueck Doherty writes, “Thus, the hermit, the poustinik, learns to know God.  Not learn about him, but learn of God himself through God himself.  For in the tremendous silence into which this poustinik entered, God reveals himself to those who wait for that revelation and who don’t try to ‘tear at the hem of a mystery’ forcing disclosure.  Now the poustinik lies prostrated, waiting for God to explain, as God did to the disciples of Emmaus, whatever God want to explain to him.  All he knows is that his heart too will burn within him as did the hearts of those disciples.”  There is a sense in which I feel as if I am tearing at the hem of the mystery of God’s will for me and I want to force God to disclose it to me now.  I don’t want God to explain whatever he wants to explain whenever he wants to explain it; I want him to explain what I want to know…now!

I have little feeling of expectancy; eagerly anticipating God’s answer like a child anticipates Christmas or his birthday.  Instead, I have the feeling of impatience, tapping my toe and repeatedly looking at my watch while thinking about, and ruing, the “wasted” time that seems to be accumulating.  Lewis Smedes writes, “If you are discerning, you take your time.  You do not act until you catch an insight into what is going on in other people’s feelings, into what is really on people’s minds, into what people really need at the time.  You wait, you check your impulse to shoot from the hip, you do nothing, say nothing, until you have gotten a good sense of what the situation really calls for.”  And therein lies the problem.  I don’t really want to know what God is feeling or what is on his mind or what he needs from me; I want to act now.

This weekend Jaci and I took care of Trey and Quinn.  The difference between children and adults is that adults can delay gratification while a child is driven by impulse.  When a child doesn’t get their way they immediately throw a tantrum, cry, or mope about in an attempt to force their caregiver’s hand.  I obviously need to mature in my relationship with God.  It would seem that I am acting like a two-year old.

Foolish Worship

Sunday 3/6/2011 3:55 AM

I have always enjoyed playing with children, helping them to exercise their imaginations.  A couple of weeks ago at a Wednesday evening dinner at our church I ate at a table with the two young daughters of a close friend.  I often pretend to have super powers that make me superman around them and I started a conversation regarding that topic.  Soon I was running around the room pretending to fly like superman with the two girls.  Those eating dinner were somewhat surprised to see an old man running around the room.  Later we pretended to be animals of different sorts and I suddenly morphed into a giraffe and an elephant at the suggestions of the girls.  A few days later their mother said that her daughters said that I was the best grandpa ever.

Today I read a quote by Frederick Buechner that reminds me of my interactions with those two young girls.  He writes, “To worship God means to serve him.  There are two ways to do it.  One way is to do things for him that he needs to have done – run errands for him, carry messages for him, fight on his side, feed his lambs, and so on.  The other way is to do things for him that you need to do – sing songs for him, create beautiful things for him, give things up for him, tell him what is on your mind and in your heart, in general rejoice in him and make a fool of yourself for him the way lovers have always made fools of themselves for the one they love … Unless there is an element of joy and foolishness in the proceedings, the time would be better spent doing something useful.”

This view of worship seems different than that with which I was raised and the view of many in the congregation with whom I regularly worship.  That view sees worship as a somber and staid affair in which the worshipers must maintain an attitude of proper respect and decorum.  Anything that strays from the norm is seen as falling below the standard that God requires of us, his people.  We seem to avoid what Buechner calls the “foolishness” of worship but it seems to me that in doing so we also miss the accompanying joy.  It seems to me that few looking from the outside would be drawn to that kind of joyless worship and would certainly never say that we are the best worshipers ever.  I pray that I will be able to have those elements of unabashed joy and foolishness as I worship with the people of God.

Remodeling

Saturday 4/2/2011 5:59 AM

This morning I am sitting in my chair looking into our kitchen, which is in the process of being remodeled.  Yesterday they grouted the backsplash, installed the sink, the dishwasher, the garbage disposal and the cooktop.  Things are really starting to take shape.  I also notice the spots in the paint job where it got dinged when the cupboards were put in and the spots where plaster got pulled off the wall when the tape was removed after painting the cupboards.  There is a light switch plate that doesn’t completely cover the hole in the wall that was made for the electrical box and the windowsill by the sink was also dented and marred by those who installed the granite.  The light fixtures in the ceiling do not seem to be completely flush and the switches that control the light and the exhaust fan in the laundry room need to be switched.  Progress is being made toward the final completion of the project but there seem to be things popping up in the middle of the project that set it back some.

Today my assigned New Testament reading is Romans 7:19, “For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.”  Earlier in Romans Paul writes about the new life we have in Christ, the fact that we are dead to sin and alive in Christ. The verse quoted above seems to imply that sin keeps rearing its ugly head, inhibiting the transformation.

My life is much like our kitchen remodel.  God is in the process of reconciling me to himself, gutting me of the sin that permeated my life and remodeling me in the image of Christ; clothing me with the fruit of the Spirit.  Progress is being made but occasionally there are setbacks and there needs to be some spackling, sanding and repainting to get my life back on track.  Thankfully, my Contractor is patient and faithful to his promise.  1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 says it well.  “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through.  May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.”

Distractions

Tuesday 3/22/2011 4:57 AM

Today I read Psalm 63, written by David when he was in the desert of Judah.  He speaks of earnestly seeking after God, thirsting for him, glorifying him, lifting up his hands in praise of him, remembering him throughout the night, singing in the shadows and clinging to him.  All of these actions suggest that David had a deeply intimate relationship with God.  When I am away from all the hustle and bustle of life, on retreat in the desert if you will, it is easier to foster that kind of intimacy and engage in deep reflection.  But as I sit here this morning my mind is preoccupied with the tests I need to correct before Wednesday, the lessons I have to teach today, the calls I need to make as an elder, the progress of our kitchen remodeling, the health of Jessica, Kate and their babies among other things.  When I get home from work in the evenings I sit down to relax and either turn on the television, go online or find some other distraction to disengage from my work-a-day world.

Modern society has done much to simplify the necessary jobs of finding food for one’s family and providing shelter, which produces more time for possible reflection on God’s love and provision for us.  Unfortunately I do not avail myself of the time for that purpose, filling the time instead with things that distract me from focusing on God.  I wonder if David’s psalms would even exist if he had lived in our modern world and western culture and, if so, what they would look like.  It seems to me that developing intimacy with God is much more difficult in today’s world and takes a more directed effort.

Grace-based Pride

Thursday 3/3/2011 4:36 AM

A couple of weeks ago I committed to change the inner voice I hear that tells me I am not good enough.  Over the past couple of weeks I have had a few times where I have been successful at this but the majority of the time I make some disparaging remark about myself.  The good news is that I recognize that I did it immediately afterward and see that I need to slow down my response time so I have a chance to think about what I will verbalize rather than simply reacting.

Today I read 2 Samuel 22:30, David’s response after successfully defeating the Philistines, “With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.”  Lewis Smedes makes some interesting observations that I should take to heart.  “A person who has experienced grace knows that what she is and what she has are gifts from God, so when she feels pride, she feels gratitude with the same impulse.  We could put the difference between graceless arrogance and grace-based pride this way: arrogance is pride without gratitude, while grace-given pride is nothing but gratitude.  A person with hubris thinks he is God.  A person with grace-based pride thanks his God.  Grace-based pride is a kind of elation, especially about something we have accomplished.  When we feel elation, we simply must share it; we have to show somebody what we have done so they can share our pride.”

Growing up I was always under the impression that pride was a bad thing and humility was to be sought out.  Verses like James 4:6, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble,” affirmed that point of view, so when I hear the phrase grace-based pride it seems oxymoronic.  The kind of elation described by Smedes is something I experience when I have accomplished something but I have always seen it as something negative instead of something positive.  Last week I received a copy of the article that will be printed in next month’s Math Teacher magazine.  I am proud of that accomplishment and I would like to share it with my colleagues and friends.  I recognize that the patterns I discovered, which generated the article, and the ability I had to discover the patterns were both made and given by God so I should be able to experience the grace-based pride Smedes describes.  But something inside me says that to mention it would be bragging and I would be trying to show off.  As a consequence I don’t say anything and I feel frustrated rather than elated.

David recognized that God gave him the ability to advance against a troop and to scale a wall and was also able to celebrate his accomplishments with others.  I would like to experience that same celebratory feeling without the tinge of guilt for being proud of what I have done.  However, the habits of a lifetime die hard.  My assigned reading today included Isaiah 58:8, a single verse removed from its context of what constitutes true fasting.  It says, “Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear.”  This morning God used that verse to give me hope that the light of God’s goodness will break forth in my life and that I can be healed from the feelings of frustration that are my constant companions to experience the elation of grace-based pride.