Young Love

Saturday 2/17/18 6:51 AM

Psalm 84 is my psalm for the week. This morning I noticed verse 2, “My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.” That kind of yearning and intensity in my relationship with God seems to be a thing of the past. There was a time when I eagerly looked forward to my devotional time, wondering what new insight God would give me for the day. Now it seems to be a chore to sit down and read my Bible and pray. At the same time, it seems that my awareness of God’s presence with me and of his love for me has increased. I feel as if I am more aware of God’s image being imprinted upon those with whom I interact every day and I recognize his sustaining hand as I observe the created world around me. These seemingly contradictory experiences make me wonder about which represents the reality of my relationship with God.

Today I also thought about my relationship with Jaci. Early in our relationship, when hormones were raging, my heart would flutter when I would see her, and I couldn’t wait to spend time just being together. As our relationship matured, our kids entered the picture, and the hormones subsided, we still enjoyed being together, but the fluttering heart was replaced with a deep conviction that we are committed to each other and we will be there for each other, come what may. That kind of assurance brings its own kind of good feeling.

Today I read an excerpt from Man’s Quest for God, by Abraham Joshua Heschel, in which he addresses the feelings we have regarding God being close to us. “What is decisive is not the mystic experience of our being close to him; decisive is not our ‘feeling’ but our ‘certainty’ of his being close to us – although even his presence is veiled and beyond the scope of our emotion. Decisive is not our emotion but our ‘conviction.’ If such conviction is lacking, if the presence of God is a myth, then prayer to God is a delusion. If God is unable to listen to us, then we are insane in talking to him.” It makes me wonder if I have moved from the emotional phase of my relationship with God to the conviction phase much in the same way my relationship with Jaci has changed over time.

It is one thing to recognize what may be going on in an intellectual way in both of those relationships, but it still doesn’t take away my desire to experience those strong feelings that accompany young love. It would be nice to be swept off my feet again, even if only for a brief time.