Sage Advice from My Wife

Monday 3/14/2016 6:19 AM

Today is the first official day of my spring break. Last week I had a plan to go to Phoenix for a couple days to visit Mom, then head down to Tucson for a day to see Rod, Kathy, and Derek, and finally heading home via San Diego for a quick visit with Stan and Judy before heading home in time for the dress rehearsal for our cantata in choir Thursday night. It was going to be a whirlwind trip of visiting while spending the nights in my hotel room reading applications for the teaching positions being offered at Cerritos College, since I am on the hiring committee. When I got home from school Thursday night Jaci suggested I cancel the trip. She felt that I have been working too much lately and needed a break from the busyness and the stress. As usual, she was right.

My semester seems extra busy for various reasons and I have spent longer hours working at school. This is also a busy time for my responsibilities at church with extra meetings required to work through some personnel issues and budgeting for the coming year. I have been distracted from my relationship with Jaci in addition to my time for exercise and meditation. All of this distraction leads to strained personal relationships and feelings of failure and resentment.

Today I read a portion of Francis Dorff’s book The Journey from Misery to Ministry that describes my situation pretty well. “After a while, this Sabbath-less way of living might even become a point of honor with us. We begin bragging about being so busy that we ‘have not had a vacation in years.’ What we fail to realize is that this is already a public declaration of our spiritual poverty. Whether we mean it to be or not, it is also a way of making others feel guilty about honoring the time they need for marginality. In this way we begin to perpetuate the destructive equation of ministry with work.” Working long hours and attending lots of meetings can give me a feeling of accomplishment but the price I pay in lost time with loved ones, lost time for exercise, and lost time for personal reflection is not worth it.

In his book Francis Dorff also writes, “As our insensitivity to our own feelings grows, our lives often begin leaking all kinds of negative emotions. Without even realizing it, we go about feeling frustrated, unappreciated, resentful, exploited, lonely, put upon, needy, angry, and acting in ways that let these negative emotions overflow toward others. If we were in touch with our feelings, these emotions could be moments of truth for us, warning us that we are headed for trouble. They could be the raw material for soul-searching and meditative exploration of what is going on in our lives. When we are out of touch with our hearts, however, we fail even to notice our feelings, much less to receive and act on their important messages.” Thankfully, Jaci had the courage to point out the fact that I was heading for trouble. I pray that as I slow down somewhat this week I will be able to get back in touch with my feelings and act on the messages they give.