Evolution

Sunday 12/18/2011 4:13 AM

When describing my spiritual journey I often say that my faith has moved from my head to my heart to my hands.  It has been a slow and sometimes painful process.

As a child I was raised in a Christian home, went to a Christian school and went to a church where we attended catechism.  From my recollection I learned nearly everything there was to know about God.  I knew he was loving, wise, omniscient, omnipresent, faithful, sovereign, holy, just, etc.; but it was an intellectual knowledge that helped me do well in catechism and pass my tests in Bible class.  It had little or nothing to do with the way I saw and interacted with the world and other people.  As a result, I saw my faith as a bunch of rules that needed to be obeyed and, if I did it well enough, I would eventually go to heaven.

In 1994 when I first began to study the bible daily, with the expectation that God was going to speak to me personally, I discovered the attributes I had learned about God throughout my life were real.  I experienced the holiness and power of God that literally made me turn my face away when he came near.  I experienced the justice of God as I wept while looking over a city filled with urban decay where fellow human beings trapped by addictions were living on the streets.  I was troubled when faced with the lives of my students who came from homes where their parents didn’t love them or they became trapped due to no fault of their own.  The attributes of God that had been neatly tucked away in my brain began to slowly affect the way I saw the world and its inhabitants and I found that I was crying much more often.  My faith was moving from my head to my heart.

Eventually this new perspective caused me to begin to intervene and try to do something concrete to alleviate the pain I saw around me.  I began to share my hope in God with my students as the opportunity arose and I began visiting a local prison, to encourage a young man who was incarcerated there.  It seemed that my faith was moving again, this time from my heart to my hands.

One thing that frustrates me is the slow progress of it all.  For whatever reason, it has taken me fifty-six years to come to this point and I wonder about all the missed opportunities for service.  I feel a little like Oskar Schindler did at the end of the movie Schindler’s List.

Today my scripture reading includes 2 Corinthians 3:14-18, “But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read.  It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away.  Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts.  But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.  Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”  I see my early years of head knowledge and rule-following as the old covenant; my mind was dull and there was a veil covering my heart.  When I finally turned to God he took that veil away and has been slowly transforming me into his image with ever-increasing glory.  From the description given here it sounds like it is a process, not an event, so I should trust that God is superintending that process as he sees fit.  My devotional book also provides some assurance, “It takes a long time for the person of today to close the wings of his intellect and to open the door of his heart.”  I pray that I will have the grace to cooperate with his transforming Spirit rather than hindering his progress.

Nebulosity

Saturday 12/17/2011 7:07 AM

When I left for my morning run today there was a large cloud to the southeast that seemed a little different.  Often a cumulus cloud is flat on the bottom with the top sculpted like a broccoli floret but this cloud had a small amount of that sculpted look on the bottom.  I began my run to the north and the west, as is my custom, and when I turned around after a couple of miles the cloud was in the same place but now highlighted with the rays of the sunrise.  The sun was illuminating its bottom, sculpted features while the remainder of the cloud was black.  The cloud, framed by the sunrise, was awe-inspiring and reminded me of a television show I watched last night on star formation.  The pictures of the nebulae from that program looked almost the same as the cloud.

I started thinking about star formation and how the clouds of dust and gas are compressed by gravity and, over time, heat up enough to begin nuclear fusion.  Then the star comes to life and begins to shine, maintaining a critical balance between collapsing because of gravitational pull and exploding because of the nuclear reaction.  In the visible spectrum of light we can’t see the stars forming because they are obscured by all the dust and gas of the cloud but the cloud is a womb where stars are birthed deep within, out of sight.

The womb in which God’s children are born is often the same.  Dark clouds of adversity press in on someone who, in their desperation, calls on God.  The fire of God’s Spirit enters in, igniting faith, which maintains a critical balance between the crushing adversity and the growing faith.  Over time, God’s Spirit continues to move, molding the person into the image of Christ so that, as Philippians 2:17 says, they “shine like stars of the universe.”

In my life I want to avoid the dark clouds of adversity and I pray that prayer regularly for those I love and for myself.  In reality, a time of adversity is the nursery for nurturing and producing the light of Christ in my life.  In Psalm 18 David speaks about being entangled in the cords of death and being overwhelmed by torrents of destruction early in the psalm and then he cries out to God.  The God to whom he cries is described in this way, “Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it.  He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under his feet.  He mounted the cherubim and flew; he soared on the wings of the wind.  He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him–the dark rain clouds of the sky.  Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning.”  David then goes on to tell of his deliverance by this awe-inspiring God, “He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.  He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.  They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support.  He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.”  For David, the dark clouds represented the presence and the deliverance of God rather than his judgment.  James 1:2-4 reminds me, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.”

I long to have that kind of perspective so that when adversity comes I will welcome it, knowing that God will be with me in the middle of it and he will use it to help me mature in my faith.

Toccata and Fugue

Thursday 5/19/2011 3:44 AM

Music has always been a big part of my life, after all, Jaci and I met in choir and she has been the greatest blessing God has bestowed upon my life.  When I listen to music I always hear the melody, but I am more fascinated with the harmonies that dance around the melody, weaving themselves into full-bodied, rich chords or contrapuntal melodies.  I love organ music and one of my favorite pieces is Toccata and Fugue in D Minor by J. S. Bach.  A toccata is a piece of music that is intended to show off the skill of the organist playing the piece.  It is often comprised of a flurry of notes moving up and down the scale with accompanying supporting chords.  A fugue is a piece of music where a theme is repeated in multiple voices that are continuously interwoven throughout the piece, as if the melody were playing tag throughout the composition.

I opened my devotional materials this morning and saw that my reading from the psalms for the day was a single verse, Psalm 119:54, “Your decrees are the theme of my song wherever I lodge.”  The footnote in my Bible says the verse literally says, “Your decrees are the theme of my song in my temporary house.”  Earlier this week marked the forty-second anniversary of my dad’s death.  He has now been dead for as many years as he was alive.  For me it is a good reminder that I live in a temporary house and this verse makes me wonder if the Word of God is the theme of my song as I live it.  Does the Word of God provide comfort, direction, and correction for my life on a regular basis or do I look to others, or to things, for comfort; to myself for direction and do I ignore correction?  Do others continually hear the humble theme of God’s love as I live with them or do they hear something different, a cacophony of complaints about being too busy or the pride-filled boasting of my own importance and worth?

In musical terms, is my life a toccata or a fugue?  Do I live in a flurry of activity to show off my own skill and importance while using others as the supporting chords or do I play the theme of God’s love for others to hear and then pass that theme on to them, stepping out of the limelight so they can play it with their unique voice?

I want to be a fugue but too often the toccata is what I play.  I guess I’m God’s Toccata and Fugue in Mark Hugen.

Benevolence

Wednesday 12/14/2011 5:22 AM

Today I read from Deuteronomy 15 where it describes the seventh year, a time when the debts of fellow Hebrews were to be cancelled.  Verses 12-14 describe the protocol for slaves, “If any of your people – Hebrew men or women – sell themselves to you and serve you six years, in the seventh year you must let them go free.  And when you release them, do not send them away empty-handed.  Supply them liberally from your flock, your threshing floor and your winepress.  Give to them as the Lord your God has blessed you.”

Over the course of the past few years the economy has taken a dive and thousands have lost their jobs, had their cars repossessed, had their homes foreclosed or some other equally devastating event.  It seems that our consumer-based economy has come to a grinding halt and all attempts by the government to jumpstart it have been to no avail.  Depending upon whom you talk to, the fault is laid at the feet of corporate greed, or too much government intervention, or too little government intervention, or individual irresponsibility or … you fill in the blank.

Regardless of whom you blame, in my opinion, the root cause is selfishness, looking out for myself without regard to others.  In the corporate world, selfishness exhibits itself in decisions that are made to maximize profits without regarding the effects on the workers, the community or the environment.  In the political realm, selfishness exhibits itself in making laws that benefit my cronies and me and will ensure my reelection, without giving regard to the effects of the laws on a larger constituency.  In the personal realm, selfishness exhibits itself in wanting personal benefit without personal cost without giving regard to the cost to my neighbor.  I personally believe that this tendency toward selfishness is inherent to human nature and, knowing that, God prescribed a different way of living for his people.

In God’s economy some people prosper while others fail, often through no fault of their own.  But God does not want it to be a lifelong failure; it is to be only for a time.  My prosperity is not meant to benefit me alone, it is to be shared with the larger community.  In our western world we see prosperity and poverty as something that is earned through either hard work or through sloth.  When viewed from this perspective what I earn is mine to keep and those who have little or nothing simply need to work harder and stop being so lazy.  In truth, my prosperity is a gift of God for the good of the broader community.  My health, my intellect, my drive to work hard, my circumstances, … everything, comes from the hand of God.  God is liberal with his gifts to me and his call to me is to simply reflect his benevolence to me by being benevolent to others.

In her book Poustinia, Catherine de Hueck Doherty writes, "...if I touch God I must touch humanity."  If I have an intimate, living relationship with God, I won't simply curl up in a ball and bask in the glow of his love, I will share his heart for people and will be moved by compassion to show grace and mercy to others around me.  It sounds so simple.  Why do I struggle so in carrying it out?

Conduits Wanted

Tuesday 12/13/2011 5:11 AM

Matthew 7:7-8 is part of my reading today.  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”  When I have read these verses in the past I have always taken it as a reason to pray boldly, because Jesus follows up with the assurance that the Father will give good gifts to those who ask.  Today I read these words after reading the story of Elijah and the widow of Zarephath in 1 Kings 17.  In that story Elijah is the one asking, seeking and knocking, but the widow is the one who paid the price by giving, being found and opening her door.  God was using her to provide for the needs of Elijah and God was providing for her needs and the needs of her son.

My devotional reading includes a description of the way a Russian poustinik, or hermit, was to live.  He was to build a simple shelter that was to be unlocked at all times.  Anyone in the community could come to him at anytime and he had to do whatever was asked.  If they wanted help with some work, he was to help; if they wanted prayer, he was to pray.  When people entered his room, he was required to offer equal proportions of whatever food he had to those who visited.  The book says it this way, “Hospitality above all means that the poustinik is just passing on whatever God has put into his empty hands.  He gives all that he has, and is: words, works, himself, and his food.”  The widow of Zarephath is a good example of how the poustinik should live and, I believe, of how a Christian should live.

This past year Jaci and I have increased the amount of money that we donate to charitable causes.  One result of this action on our part is that occasionally we have more month than money, which, for the first time in my life, makes me a little uncomfortable.  I listen to others my age with children finally out of the house who are socking away money in their retirement accounts so they can accumulate enough to have a comfortable retirement.  I have always invested a small amount of money into an account but I am not increasing that amount now that I have the means to do so, instead I am giving a larger percentage away.  I have always said that God has taken care of me this far in my life, I imagine he can handle the remaining years too, but as I get older the reality of that statement is hitting home, which is probably the cause of my discomfort.

Giving away money is one thing but God asks me to give of my work, my words and myself whenever someone is in need.  That, of course, is a bit harder to do and I struggle with knowing how to balance my responsibility to be available for Jaci and the rest of my family with being available to others.  The image of passing on whatever God has placed in my empty hands is not lost on me this morning.  I’m afraid my tendency is to grasp onto what is placed in my hands so that they are no longer empty.  God, on the other hand, wants a conduit, not a catch basin.

Impatience

Sunday 12/11/2011 4:48 AM

I know no one who likes to wait.  It seems to me that our modern western world teaches impatience, and I have learned the lesson well.  As an example, this morning I decided to purchase electronic version of the NIV Study Bible for my new Kindle Fire.  When I hit the purchase button on the screen a warning popped up reminding me that the download could take more time because of the size of the file.  The total time of download was less than a minute and yet I had to be reminded to be patient.

The first thing I read on my newly purchased NIV Bible included Psalm 5:3, “In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.”  There is a big difference between the words expectantly and impatiently and I have a feeling that if I would have written Psalm 5 it would read, “…I lay my requests before you and wait impatiently.”  Over the course of the past few months I have wondered about God’s will for my life, now that my prison ministry has ended.  I have prayed that God would reveal it to me but he seems to be silent regarding anything specific.  This has caused a great deal of frustration for me.

In her book Poustinia Catherine de Hueck Doherty writes, “Thus, the hermit, the poustinik, learns to know God.  Not learn about him, but learn of God himself through God himself.  For in the tremendous silence into which this poustinik entered, God reveals himself to those who wait for that revelation and who don’t try to ‘tear at the hem of a mystery’ forcing disclosure.  Now the poustinik lies prostrated, waiting for God to explain, as God did to the disciples of Emmaus, whatever God want to explain to him.  All he knows is that his heart too will burn within him as did the hearts of those disciples.”  There is a sense in which I feel as if I am tearing at the hem of the mystery of God’s will for me and I want to force God to disclose it to me now.  I don’t want God to explain whatever he wants to explain whenever he wants to explain it; I want him to explain what I want to know…now!

I have little feeling of expectancy; eagerly anticipating God’s answer like a child anticipates Christmas or his birthday.  Instead, I have the feeling of impatience, tapping my toe and repeatedly looking at my watch while thinking about, and ruing, the “wasted” time that seems to be accumulating.  Lewis Smedes writes, “If you are discerning, you take your time.  You do not act until you catch an insight into what is going on in other people’s feelings, into what is really on people’s minds, into what people really need at the time.  You wait, you check your impulse to shoot from the hip, you do nothing, say nothing, until you have gotten a good sense of what the situation really calls for.”  And therein lies the problem.  I don’t really want to know what God is feeling or what is on his mind or what he needs from me; I want to act now.

This weekend Jaci and I took care of Trey and Quinn.  The difference between children and adults is that adults can delay gratification while a child is driven by impulse.  When a child doesn’t get their way they immediately throw a tantrum, cry, or mope about in an attempt to force their caregiver’s hand.  I obviously need to mature in my relationship with God.  It would seem that I am acting like a two-year old.

Foolish Worship

Sunday 3/6/2011 3:55 AM

I have always enjoyed playing with children, helping them to exercise their imaginations.  A couple of weeks ago at a Wednesday evening dinner at our church I ate at a table with the two young daughters of a close friend.  I often pretend to have super powers that make me superman around them and I started a conversation regarding that topic.  Soon I was running around the room pretending to fly like superman with the two girls.  Those eating dinner were somewhat surprised to see an old man running around the room.  Later we pretended to be animals of different sorts and I suddenly morphed into a giraffe and an elephant at the suggestions of the girls.  A few days later their mother said that her daughters said that I was the best grandpa ever.

Today I read a quote by Frederick Buechner that reminds me of my interactions with those two young girls.  He writes, “To worship God means to serve him.  There are two ways to do it.  One way is to do things for him that he needs to have done – run errands for him, carry messages for him, fight on his side, feed his lambs, and so on.  The other way is to do things for him that you need to do – sing songs for him, create beautiful things for him, give things up for him, tell him what is on your mind and in your heart, in general rejoice in him and make a fool of yourself for him the way lovers have always made fools of themselves for the one they love … Unless there is an element of joy and foolishness in the proceedings, the time would be better spent doing something useful.”

This view of worship seems different than that with which I was raised and the view of many in the congregation with whom I regularly worship.  That view sees worship as a somber and staid affair in which the worshipers must maintain an attitude of proper respect and decorum.  Anything that strays from the norm is seen as falling below the standard that God requires of us, his people.  We seem to avoid what Buechner calls the “foolishness” of worship but it seems to me that in doing so we also miss the accompanying joy.  It seems to me that few looking from the outside would be drawn to that kind of joyless worship and would certainly never say that we are the best worshipers ever.  I pray that I will be able to have those elements of unabashed joy and foolishness as I worship with the people of God.