Trusting God

 

Calm, Confidence, and Peace

Thursday 2/11/21 4:00 AM

Last summer and fall were times of great anxiety and stress for me as I waded through the unknown waters of teaching online courses, completing my sabbatical project, and dealing with the solitude and isolation foisted upon us all by the pandemic. I slept poorly and felt like a failure in my job as a teacher. To deal with the stress I did a lot of walking. During my walks I rehearsed scripture, prayed, and sang songs that focused on God’s power, his character, and his provision.

I’m not sure if I am adjusting to this new environment and learning better how to navigate things or if my deepening relationship with God is the cause, but I have a much better outlook on life at the moment and I have no fear of what the future may hold. I have confidence that God will see me through whatever comes my way.

Two of my assigned scripture passages for today describe my situation pretty well. Psalm 18:16-17 reads, “He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.” I have no doubt that God is responsible for my change of attitude and for my sense of calm. Psalm 112:6-8 reads, “Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.” While I have no grandiose claims to being righteous, the rest of these verses’ claims of having no fear of bad news, of having a steadfast and secure heart, and of trusting God are an accurate description of my current state of mind.

I read the writing of Rueben Job in my devotional material this morning and I believe he provides the reason for my newfound calm, confidence, and sense of peace. “To remember who creates us and recreates, who calls us again and again, who knows us completely, and who loves us unconditionally is to be prepared, as Jesus was, for all that is to come. We need have no fear of today or anxiety about tomorrow. We belong to God who claims us as beloved children and holds us close in the embrace of strength and love. Listen and remember today that God calls your name and be transformed and sustained in all that awaits you.” Thank God for his sustaining mercy.

Solitude

Thursday 2/4/21 3:38 AM

    Over the past year I have spent much time in solitude. This is especially true when I walk alone, without listening to music or podcasts, early in the morning. I am frustrated by the lack of face-to-face interaction with people while teaching remotely during the pandemic and spend a lot of time walking alone throughout the day in an attempt to maintain circulation in my legs and maintain my sanity. Jaci and I are fortunate to have some interaction with our children and grandchildren but we both long to nurture meaningful relationships outside of our family, which is difficult or impossible to do over the phone or during a Zoom session. Sometimes I feel like the solitude and isolation I am experiencing during the pandemic will become too overwhelming to deal with. A couple of weeks ago I heard that Cerritos College will likely still be exercising remote learning during the fall semester, which I found to be very disheartening. It makes me sad and depressed to even think about it.

    Today I read an excerpt from Henri Nouwen’s book The Way of the Heart that gives a different perspective on solitude. He writes, “Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self. Jesus himself entered into this furnace. There he was tempted with the three compulsions of the world: to be relevant, to be spectacular, and to be powerful. There he affirmed God as the only source of his identity. Solitude is the place of the great struggle and the great encounter – the struggle against the compulsions of the false self, and the encounter with the loving God who offers himself as the substance of the new self. … Solitude is not a private therapeutic place. Rather, it is the place of conversion, the place where the old self dies and the new self is born, the place where the emergence of the new man and the new woman occurs.”

    I’m not sure what kind of transformation God has in mind for me but I definitely feel like I am changing in a profound way. Perhaps I need to stop striving for praise and validation from others - my own attempts to be relevant, spectacular, and powerful - and let my encounters with my loving God on my solitary walks be sufficient.

One Step

Thursday 1/14/21 6:34 AM

For the last month or so I have been singing the song His Eye is on the Sparrow when I walk in the morning. These words are included in the second verse, “Though by the path he leadeth, but one step I may see.” For some reason I am really drawn to them. I think it is because the last couple of years of my teaching career are so different from what I expected. I planned to go out strong with renewed enthusiasm after completing my sabbatical, but the pandemic has changed everything and I no longer know what to expect. I’m discovering that, as I sing the chorus of the verse, the fact that not only does God watch over the sparrow but he also is watching over me is quite comforting, in spite of the fact that I have no idea what to expect next.

These words from Thoughts in Solitude by Thomas Merton really resonate with me this morning. “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

Like Merton, I have a desire to please God but I have no idea if what I am doing is what I should be doing or not. I feel like I’m wandering aimlessly, uncertain of what I should be doing and, if I do have some sense of what it is I should do, I have no idea how to go about doing it effectively. The good news is I have an increased sense of God’s presence with me. I need to trust God to lead me along the right road and to accompany me, even when I see but one step at a time.

Clouds and Light

Tuesday 11/3/20 5:47 AM

    For the past few days the early morning sky has been clear. On my predawn walks I can clearly see Venus rising in the eastern sky, Mars setting in the western sky, and Orion and Gemini directly overhead. There is a portion of my walk along Bloomfield Avenue that is without sidewalks so I walk in the bike lane, facing traffic, and for a short stretch there are no streetlights. The other morning I was nearly hit by a bicyclist riding in the bike lane because it was quite dark and neither the bicyclist nor I saw the other.

    Today as I walked that stretch of road it seemed somewhat brighter and I could easily see what was ahead. I first thought they had put in some streetlights but that had not happened. There was a low cloud cover this morning and I realized that the illumination was simply the reflection of the city lights off of the low-lying clouds.

    During the day the sun shines brightly and clouds curb the sun’s brightness and the accompanying heat. If there is a big storm with thick, widespread clouds, it can become as dark as night. Those same clouds can reflect the light of the city at night when the sun is hidden from view by the earth. It reminded me of Jesus words to his disciples in Matthew 5:14-16, “You are the light of the world. … let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

    Today is Election Day and it seems as if the two political parties are filled with animosity and outright hatred toward each other. Social media is rife with posts and memes vilifying those with opposing points of view and there is talk among some of rioting and insurrection if the party they support in the presidential race is not elected. The normal animosity often experienced during the time of an election seems amplified because of the pandemic and peoples’ frustration of not being able to go about their normal lives. It is a dark time and God seems absent from any social discourse. At a time like this the Christian community should be letting their lights shine, reflecting light off of the low-lying clouds of our society to illuminate our world, showing the proper way to live peacefully, with love. Unfortunately many in the Christian community are among the leaders of those spreading the animosity and hatred.

    I will be happy when this election has passed but I wonder if our country will be able to come together and work toward a common goal or if we will continue to engage in vilification of those with whom they disagree. I’m quite certain it will not happen unless the broader Christian community begins to reflect the image of Christ and start to spread love, forgiveness, and compassion for others instead of animosity and hatred. We would do well to heed the words of 2 Chronicles 7:14, “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.” It is our only hope.

God's Voice

Tuesday 9/8/20 6:29 AM

On my walk the last two mornings I’ve been singing the song This Is My Father’s World. It begins by reminding me that if I have listening ears, all nature sings; rocks, trees, skies, seas, caroling birds, morning light, white lilies, and rustling grass. I will say that God has communicated with me through various means, including all of nature throughout my life.

In my devotional reading this morning Norman Shawchuck describes how God speaks to him through nature. He writes, “Autumn is making its way across the prairie, and with it God's silent and unseen artists turned the entire landscape into a magnificent work of art. The colors of the trees, the touches added by the farmers – green and golden fields, hay bales put in just the right places. Cattle – red, brown, black, white; the little wild turkeys and their ever-watchful mothers just outside my window; indeed, never has there been an artist like God. Thank you Creator God for the artistic changes of the seasons, for the beauty of your fascinating and ever changing creation! Come dear autumn, bathe our senses with your beauty and lay living nature gently to sleep in the arms of winter. There all may rest to be restored in the blazing beauty of spring!”

In his book Spiritual Life in the Congregation, Reuben Job writes, “Learning to listen for the voice of God in all of life is a discipline infrequently employed. And learning to discriminate among all the voices clamoring for our attention is it forgotten gift. Consequently, the rich spiritual gifts that God is eager to give often go unrecognized and unclaimed.” It is certainly true that there are many voices clamoring for our attention, especially in the current election season and on social media. I need to remember to continue to be quiet and listen for God’s voice amid all the hoopla.

Solitude: Loneliness and Grace

Wednesday 7/29/20 6:13 AM

Over the course of the past few months I have experienced a lot of solitude on my morning walks. The solitude seems even more profound when accompanied by the isolation and social distancing required by the pandemic. I have found my walks to be an empowering time in which I have become more aware of God’s presence and have been drawn into a deeper relationship with him. At the same time I mourn the loss of community regarding my job as a teacher, the interaction with my colleagues and my students on a daily basis. My solitude has brought both intimacy and loneliness.

In her essay “Thoughts on Solitude,” Wendy Wright writes about the paradox of solitude, that it can be experienced as both loneliness and grace. She writes, “…solitude is known to be gift and opportunity, a richly textured medium through which authentic intimacy with God and humankind might be fashioned. Yet at the same time, being alone is also experienced as a fearful reality. Our culture views solitude as a severe punishment, a confinement, reserved for the most grievous offenders against human codes of conduct. We tend to shun the solitary places populated by those left abandoned on the margins of human community: places were outcasts, misfits, the forgotten, the unloved and unlovable are hidden. Yet despite our shunning, the lonely sort of solitude is still all around us in the emotionally and spiritually troubled. For these, solitude is a desperate and desolate place. An alienated and isolated place in which hearts wither and hope is abandoned.”

During the past months I have experienced solitude as loneliness, but I also have had the good fortune to experience solitude as grace, in which I have developed a deeper intimacy with God. This morning I prayed for those who have the misfortune of experiencing the desperate and desolate aspects of loneliness without the grace of loneliness. I pray that God will reveal himself to them and that their eyes and hearts will be receptive to his summons to draw near and be loved.